My friend Matt just sent me a photo of what mechanically separated chicken looks like. I almost didn’t want to post it because I’m about getting people to enjoy meat, not run screaming for their mommies. And do we really need to give vegetarians (or their obnoxious relatives, vegans) one more reason to believe they’re somehow smarter than meat eaters? But really, it’s just too weird to leave to your imagination.
This photo made a few waves about a year ago when it was posted on a ton of sites, but it’s new to me, so as far as I’m concerned it never really existed before today. It’s a photo of what they supposedly make McNuggets from. As well as, for that matter, any other chicken product that features “mechanically separated chicken” on the ingredient list.
And then there’s the whole hot dog thing. While I was researching the source of this photo (and I haven’t found where it originally came from, so as far as I’m concerned there’s still the possibility it’s actually a photo of spray-in ceiling insulation), I came across this helpful little video about how hot dogs are made, and far from grossing me out (well, one part was a bit borderline), I thought the constant stream of hot dogs firing from the machines was beautiful: an endlessly loaded pork cannon that made me hungry.
So my question is this: after seeing that photo and viewing that video, what’s wrong with me that I’d still happily do a platter of McNugget shooters chased them with a trio of hot dogs? Am I deluded, or just a moron?
The answer: neither to my knowledge, though I haven’t been tested in a while. The way I look at it is this: is this the way I’d choose to have my food manufactured? No, I’d prefer to get a nice cut of meat, butcher it properly, then season it and jam it into a natural casing (hot dog) or batter dip it and deep fry it (McNugget).
But who’s got the time for all that rigmarole, I ask you? Not me, not every day anyway, and certainly not on my way home from a show at Propaganda at 3 AM after having a few Tanquerays on the rocks, my ears ringing from a Lavola or Kill Now?! set and my stomach desperately in need of some fried protein and a cola.
So until there’s a 24 hour fast food place that churns out all-natural chicken nuggets that are as tasty as those chopped, pressed, and apparently once-upon-a-time pink chunks of poultry that I can grab at Mickey D’s, I’ll still make the occasional stop for McNuggets.
And until someone can supply me steadily with a supply of delicious and reasonably priced hot-dog-like foodstuffs, I’m not passing that section of the supermarket anytime soon, either.
Chop it, separate it, press it, extrude it, dye it, then feed it to me. I’ll still eat it.