I was at Walmart recently, shopping for cheap hot dogs or something, when I noticed a rather disturbing trend: meat flavored chips.
Oh sure, I’d seen the Doritos “Late Night” series of chips, but the end cap stocked with Herr’s new “Kansas City Prime Steak Flavor” and “Baby Back Ribs” chips put me over the edge. I shot a cellphone picture of the display thinking it deserved a mention, but realized that a bit more was required.
If meat flavored chips are going to be taking up this much space on store shelves, I figure it’s my duty as The Meatist to at least give ‘em a taste, if for no other reason than to prevent any of my readers from wasting money on crap.
So I scored a bag of each of the Herr’s chips, both of which are marked “artificially flavored” so that people don’t think they were actually rubbed with ribs and steak. I also bought a bag of Doritos Cheeseburger (which is just weird) chips, and a tube of Pringles Blastin’ Buffalo Wing chips to find out just what’s going on here. And to keep things interesting, rather than write each one up, Joanna suggested that she shoot a short video of my reaction to each one. Which brings us to The Meatist’s first video review.
Random comments from other testers appear before each video.
Herr’s Kansas City Prime Steak Flavor
“They don’t taste like steak, but I really like them.” – Desmond, my nine-year-old son
“Really good, but doesn’t taste like steak at all.” – Zane, a nine-year-old guest
“I wasn’t going to puke, but I’d never buy them.” – Joanna, my wife
Pringles Blastin’ Buffalo Wing
“I love them. They aren’t that spicy.” – Desmond
“They are if you eat two at a time.” – Zane
“Not awful at all. I kinda like them.” – Joanna
Herr’s Baby Back Ribs Flavor
“Tastes like barbecue sauce. Pretty good.” – Desmond
“Just throw them away.” – Joanna
Doritos Cheeseburger
“Oh shit – I’m ashamed to say it, but I really like these.” – Joanna
“Those Cheeseburger Doritos are awesome!” – Nina, my 13-year-old daughter
“I don’t like them. Sorry.” – Desmond
“Oh my god, they taste like a hamburger” – Zane
Bottom line: None of these will satisfy a meat jones, but I never thought they would.
Although I’m not a real fan of any of them, at least not in my guise as The Meatist, the Pringles and Doritos didn’t suck for use as chips to munch on in a pinch. The Pringles had a nice spice to them, and the Doritos had a pretty nice pickle/mustard thing going on, “but in a good way,” as Joanna put it when she tried one.
The Herr’s, though, left a taste in my mouth that required a good scrubbing with a toilet brush to remove. Apparently suitable for nine-year-olds, anyone that’s reached double digit age may not make it through more than a couple before getting depressed. Avoid them.
The last time I visited the motherland, Lay’s was selling chips there with flavors like Serrano ham, roast chicken with lemon and thyme, artisanal cheeses, and grilled steak with garlic and herbs. For some reason, they all tasted exactly like what they were marketed as. Probably just a spray of a little broth and chemicals, but I could actually taste the individual flavorings. I’ll try to get some mailed here.
Walker’s chips crisps in the UK sell some pretty intense flavours. From Wikipedia: Spanish Chicken Paella, Japanese Teriyaki Chicken, German Bratwurst Sausage, Italian Spaghetti Bolognese, French Garlic Baguette, American Cheeseburger, Brazilian Salsa, Scottish Haggis, Irish Stew, English Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding, Dutch Edam Cheese, Australian BBQ Kangaroo, South African Sweet Chutney, Argentinian Flame Grilled Steak and Welsh Rarebit.
Haggis chips? I’m both disgusted and aroused.
You know, most of those from the motherland sound pretty good, but the whole “make chips taste like grilled steak” thing is weird. I’m thinking, though, that Lay’s has better flavormeisters than does Herr’s.
I want every Walker’s flavor they make (except maybe the Edam cheese one), and I want to sit down with you, a pitcher of Fanziskaner, and a bag of those haggis flavored sons of bitches and see what happens.
I want some Kangaroo chips.
Every bag is packed with hoppy goodness.
You know, I didn’t notice the pickle/mustard flavor until after you brought it to my attention and now, of course, I taste it. It’s a mild undertone. It’s mostly cheeseburger, which is what I want to eat right now, frankly!
Haggis?
I am only disgusted.
Arousal could only be for the fittest.
Or sickest. Or meat-sexy-time-iest.
ANSI Yellow walls, do want.
A note on the Herr’s steak-flavored chips: They stink. My husband has become very attached to them but unfortunately the garlicy odor they cause makes the whole house unbearable. I don’t mean that they stink out of the bag – they actually smell pretty good. But after they’ve been chewed on, the eater’s breath will fumigate an entire small house. My husband could eat a whole garlic clove raw with the same result. It’s so strong I can taste it in the air. Be warned: you should either live alone, or plan to, if you eat these things.
I usually like the meat flavored chips, mainly the Ruffles Smokehouse Rib Flavor. I also like the Herr’s Baby Back Ribs and some other flavors of Herr’s. Knowing this, my wife purchased the Kansas City Steakhouse flavor for me. And this is what lead me here to this blog via Youtube. I wanted to see if anybody else had the same reaction to the chips as we did. We too smelled them first and I didn’t detect much of a smell, really nothing unpleasant and the chips appeared to have no seasoning on them. I thought maybe I got a bad bag. Then I ate one. And I was appalled and amused at the same time. I ate a couple to make sure I really got the flavor — bad idea. I couldn’t get it out of my mouth for like 20 minutes. Its a strange combination of some spice I can’t quite place but not far off from curry and the inside of an NBA players shoe after a play-off game. My wife described them as tasting like feet. I told her I wasn’t sure what feet tasted like but she assured me that if they made a foot flavor, this would be it. It wasn’t gag worthy in that you wanted to spit it out, but I sure don’t want to put another in my mouth. Part of the problem is the flavor stays with you way to long and its just not a very good one and it seems to just linger and drive you nuts, but not in a good way. More in a way of I can’t believe they made this flavor, I can’t believe I bought it, I can’t believe I ate it, this tastes nothing like a steak but maybe the cooks armpits in a steakhouse, is that a hint of dill in there? or curry?, and this is what feet must taste like. It was hands down the worst tasting chip I’ve ever eaten! I bet its worse than the Haggis flavored ones mentioned above.