Can I offer you an electric scooter?
Walmart bums me out. Not for the reasons it bums most people out though: personally, I like browsing through aisles of low-rent shit at a million o’clock and actually appreciate the ability to buy 500 Advil clones for eight bucks. And don’t bother getting all Michael Moore on my ass and start whinging about the unions, because I just won’t listen to you.
No, the reason it bums me out is the percentage of Walmart shoppers that have fatted themselves out of the ability to walk. You’ve seen them, I don’t need to Google a photo: they’re the ones that borrow the electric shopping scooters meant for oldsters, park their frightening, gelatinous bodies on them, and drive them around, the poor electric engines straining like Elvis on the can, clogging up aisles like human cholesterol and keeping me from moving quickly though housewares on my way to electronics, while they fill the little basket in front with Reeses Cups and rash cream because they’ll get winded if they actually have to walk around looking for a “Who Farted?” tee-shirt to replace the one they spilled an entire Stouffer’s lasagna on when they tried to nibble on some right out of the pan.
Walmart does make shopping convenient for them though: the other day I noticed that the racks of bulk candy were right next to shelves that sported no less than10 different blood sugar monitors.
Can I cry now, and would you pass me the tissues from aisle 3 if I did?
Have you see Wall-E? ‘Nuff said.
And here I always thought it was the aisles were to narrow. LOL!
ace. lol absolutely ace.