Obama does fine, McCain not so much. But what does “win” mean, anyway?
I watched the debate tonight. I know there are a couple of you that won’t agree with me, but here’s the deal: Obama won, and won pretty damn big. And I actually wanted McCain to win. Not because I’m a fan of his, but because I hate agreeing with large crowds of baristas. I guess I’ll have to console myself by taking the incredibly arrogant position that I, in fact, have good reasons for thinking Obama won. On the other hand, he could have pooped the stage called McCain “Captain Dusty Farts” and the trustafarians would have still picked him as the winner.
Big reasons for me?
- Let me tell you my friends, having the government buy your house to at an overvalued price so it can resell it to you at its current market value is the most retarded fucking idea I’ve ever heard of. I shouldn’t have to explain why, my friends. And it would be stupid even if the government wasn’t broke.
- Also my friends, if I had to hear McCain explain one more time how Americans are the smartest, best workers anywhere, so of course we’ll win, I was going to suck back a jar of mayonnaise.
- Two words my friends: “that one.” Creepy. Reminded me of a pissed off dad.
- Too many attacks on Obama rather than simply answering the questions, my friends. McCain just sounded whiny. And by the way my friends, does anyone actually believe that what Obama said was that he was going to attack Pakistan (and by the way, did that seem ironic to you? That McCain was bringing up talking first, and Obama was talking about crossing the border to cap Bin Laden?)
- Obama actually appeared to listen to McCain my friends, while McCain looked like he was just waiting to criticize him. It looked disrepectful my friends.
- Well my friends, McCain seemed really fucking old. Old age, old ideas, old stories, old sense of humor. Sorry.
- Obama didn’t screw anything up. And he seemed smarter. Way smarter, my friends.
- Me. My friends, I’m an avowed disliker (is that a word?) of both parties and all four candidates but my gut tells me Obama would be a much better President. Of course then I calm the fuck down, stop acting like a horny schoolgirl and start considering some of his actual positions, and my bowels clench up and I start compulsively farting and twitching.
A few more thoughts: Obama’s health care plan is completely flakey, his class warfare shit makes me want to power-puke, the simplistic regulation/de-regulation argument is a pandering pile of dog discharge that means absolutely nothing, neither of them said jack shit about a realistic way to deal with the economy – which isn’t surprising since they were both in favor of the horrible $700 billion bailout package – and we heard nothing really new from either of them. I will say that McCain’s close was pretty good. But so was Obama’s.
Question: What does “win” mean anyway? Is the winner the person who looked best, answered best and appeared most Presidential? Or is the winner the person who did the best job of swinging people over to voting for them?
Answer: It doesn’t matter, because That One won either way.